We'll make this count x

DUDE...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
xxxxxxxxxxx

let's make this count.

Love you ALL!!
:D:D:D
xxxxxxxxx

The 22 Highlights of 2009

So...this will be my last post in 2009. This all has been such a weird way to end 2009. But, 2010 has GOT to be better, and WILL be better. :)

2009 has actually been quite a brilliant year when I think about it actually... I'm going to make a list :D :

1. I've gotten into drunken messes with mates, (probably not the CLEVEREST year then but who gives a toss)
2. Been to legendary concerts
3. Legendary sleepovers
4. Met lots of new people
5. Stalked people lol, Kaytei, Zesty Bloke xD
6. Did rebellious things with mates xP
7. Started a new year, with new options at school
8. Felt, happy,
9. Those long, comforting talks with friends
10. Amazing days
11. Made a cake:D
12. All the memorable phonecalls
13. Been to Thorpe Park
14. Towning like a BILLION times ;D
15. Elin's birthday sleepover :D DAMN that was wicked.
16. Hugs ^_^
17. Had an amazing, AMAZING summer. i really mean that.
18. When things seemed so dark, he showed up, and became the light
19. Year Ten, BRILLIANT year so far, can't believe how lucky i've been.
20. Fallen out with mates, boys, but things resolved.
21. Fallen in love.
22. Found someone amazing.

There's 22 things that have made this year special, and all the things that have made me happy.

Even though another year is passing...we can all learn something from it, and forget whatever the hell it is we want to forget. That's what I'm planning and going to do.

So, let's raise our glasses high (of sparkling water of course lol), and say cheers, to a new year, a fresh start, and a year which is completely ours.

:D

I love all you guys so much.

And here's to a brilliant, amazing, fantastic New Year. Cheers :D

Let's make this count.

xxxxxxx

i wanted this new year to be a good one

It's gunna be a good one :D

Off to Spain today!

So I guess i'll see you guys when I get back then...


;)
xxxxx

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Can't write what I want to write so I've written what I can.

Hmm...life really is interesting isn't it. In three months, so much can happen when you're a teenager. It seems like a lifetime, when actually it's been barely any of it. I remember the summer, how things moved on from one thing to another so quickly. It just...feels so different, but the same. I have no idea to be honest. Look at me, trying to analyse teenage life. Or life in general. That's stupid. Who am I to know. I'm just a little girl, you know. A little girl who spends too much time trying to figure everything out. There are times when I just listen to a song, or read something, or find something on my computer, and it reminds me of things that happened before. The summer was so different. I can't say I was satisfied with everything though. I suppose no one can be completely satisfied with everything, that's completely impossible. But what I mean is there was one main thing I wasn't satisfied with. That wasn't so much during the summer holidays though. Something that had made its home in the back of my mind. Later on, something happened, and I'm going to have to live with it for the rest of my life. I can't say it's not hard. I can't say it's easy to just stop. But also, I can't say i've lived the worst. There are many people in this world that have taken it too far, and have it much, much worse than me, and I suppose I'm lucky to have taken a step back before I took things too far. Going back a step, everybody was so different. But still, I don't know, they seem the same now, but, when you look back, they're different. Do you know what I mean? Oh forget it, how the fuck are you supposed to know what I mean. I'm starting to swear now, I hate my constant swearing. This is why I really value all the little things I have. Be it a small bottle, pieces of paper with writing or drawings, notes, just anything, because it brings back a memory, and I've realised that sometimes those memories never come back to life. But then again, sometimes they do. Most of the time they do. With me they have to. That doesn't even make any fucking sense. I value so many things in my life, and I value them so much. And, I start to rely on them, and rely, and rely, until every piece of my life is glued together by their very existance. When I fall, I fall fast, and in more ways than one. When you're young, everything feels like the end of the world. But the truth is, it's only the beginning. Maybe that's why I feel so bruised.

"Penis Muffs" (bloody hell. LMAO xL)

God last night was epic..

I can't believe we got away with it hahaha, meh wasn't THAT bad anyways.

It was fucking fun though! And bloody hell you two scared me and Elin >.<

DON'T PEE IN THE SNOW! xD

Tommy you epicly failed at your "Mine" game (i didnt say it! i just typed it xD) 20 pushups in one night..lmao

I'm listening to DELIA!

HAHAAi have just made a cakkkeee....going to ice it later:) or tomorrow morning..... then it's off to Louise's to partayyy! :D:D (Y)

The film on friday, well yesterday, was absolutely brilliant (Where The Wild Things Are). seriously, a film like that could be made from a children's picture book? Wow. And the music was awesome in it too. And it was also awesome because we just kinda..crashed out on the floor as our seats were RIGHT at the front :D *woo*

hmm...

that's all.......

for now ... lol

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

lovelovelove

fml

nah actually i won't fml.

xxxxxxxxxx

i am getting SO pissed off right now..

this weekend's starting tomorrow...
and it's gonna be gooooood gooooood gooooood

it's gunna be goooooood goooood gooooood :D

Lol.

Busted rock my world.


hahahah

xxxxxx

here we go, take a bow...

and honestly i think...

what if you can't write what you want to write?

hm.... guess what.

Things are ok! *sigh*.

Phew.

Well, just about Ok. Actually,you know what, they are.

Phew.

Sorted things out.


And today was a goooooooooooood day at school :D

Got some lovelehh perfume from Kateh and a wickeddd CD from Robert \^^/(-_-)\^^/ Lol,is taht how you write it??

I is confused.


mahmahmahmahmahmahmah

God,last night was so crap, i didn't get to sleep until quarter past 4. stupid.


Well, at least things are so much brighter now!

Love you all

xxxxxxxx :D


p.s. STOP PUTTING SHARPENINGS ON MY SEAT SO THAT THEY VERY INCONVENIENTLY STICK TO MY ARSE!

hahaha.

right.

shit.

shit

shit

shit
shi
tsisthisths


SHIT
SHIT

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT

!!!
SHIT!!!

SHIT!!!
SHIT!!!

SHIT!!!


THE FUCKING DYE MADE MY FUCKING FRINGE BLONDE, OR

FUCKING YELLOW SHOULD I FUCKING SAY

But......NOT TO WORRY, as i'm now FUCKING REDYING MY FUCKING FRINGE

FOR FUCK SAKE

FUCKING HELL

FUCK IT

FUCK THIS


FUCKCKCKCKCKCK


ARGH

It looks alright anywhere else, but FUCKING HELL did it look shit. fucking fucking fucking fucking hell.


SHITSHITSHITHSITHISTHISTHISTHITHIS


I'M SO FUCKING GLAD MY MUM HAD THAT EXTRA HAIR DYE!!!
LIFESAVER MUCH????!!!!




FUCKING HELL!!!!

xxx

o.o

damn...i really, REALLY, really, really, do hope this dye works out right..

And i REALLY hope i don't end up with green hair...


nah, that won't happen.


i hope.





o.o



anyways, HI!

How are you guys? Good? Good.

How am I?

I'm BRILLIANT thanks:D

Life's going damn great, and I just can't stop smiling! :D

Smile, even if you don't want to, just, do it, it helps.

Well, does for me. lol

Only another week of school left eh? Damn time goes quickly. And DAMN do I say damn a lot. Soon it's going to be 2010, then another academic year will past, and we'll all have to face the ramifications of year 11, then it'll be Sixth Form, then comes the apparant BEST FEW YEARS of your life, Uni, then we'll all look for jobs, and then BAM we're thirty and in a dead end job where everyday seems like a black hole of neverending shit and we just want to die and everything turns to fuck and then the world will slowly be ungulfed by the sun or global warming of whatever shit that causes it to die and us to die with it.

Unless, of course, 2012's doomsday happens.

Because, then we'll all die early! Yay!


..No.


LOL Anyways, no need to worry! No, no need to worry at all.. *nervous laughter* haha

haha

ha

.


I'm in a weird mood.

:D

but, i'm still SMILING!:D

Even though Last Friday has decided to go and place its fuckish existance in my life.

Poohead.


BYE, Have a good rest of day!:D:DD:D::D:DD::D:D:DD



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

GAH

HELL YES BITCHES!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

...i'm seeing things so much more positively now. And...everything's ok.

Thanks, Hazel.

xxx

so much for promises, huh? so much for meaning what you say, huh? so much for caring, huh? so much for loving, huh? so much for thinking of me, huh? so much for being there, huh? so much for living, huh? so much for breathing, huh? so much for FUCKING TRYING, huh? so much for fucking shit.

please, i can't do this anymore. please, this hurts.

I can't make decisions
When you're face is dissapearing,
Like footprints, in wet sand.

I can't make decisions
When I'm being pulled both ways,
Fragile enough to snap
Fragile enough to cry

I can't make decisions
When your face is blank
It's fading
And I can't see you anymore.

yo

...bloody hell i've barely written anything recently.
wasn't in the mood tbh.

Buut....these couple of days have been really, really good.

Yesterday was so busy, but so awesome! I had an art trip with loads of people, and there were loads of laughs during that hahahaha xD then i went ice skating with loads of peopleee, then i slept over at Hattieeee's :D

Then there was town today, which was hilarious lol.

"It's pink, and it's manly because its the colour of your non-existant...."

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bloody hell. haha.
sorry. >.< hahaaaaa.

GAH losagne

losagne?
Lasagne

i'll start again...

GAH ;asagne

..fuck it.

GAH lasaghe

FOR PISS SAKE

GAH lasagne is

(*YAY*)

calling me Name!!!!!!

i'maaa goo and....eat it, yeah.


yeahhhhhh yum

bye xxxxxxxxxxxx

a good friend's back.

x

run out of things.

...eh , maybe not.

i've run out of things to write.

sorry.



On a much happier note, Germany was FANTASTIC. I'm a walking zombie right now, but it was fantastic.

TOWN TOMORROW

I have these....really awesome perfumes xD I got them from the Aachen Weihschencahebhcaosauchebaucbeauybe2y3re72t897f6d2 something market lool

And yeah, also enough chocolate to last me my whole fucking life.

Maria, candles! hohohaha.

byeeee
xxxx

Why is it like this?

Why am I like this?

I'm the most selfish person in the world. I hate the way I feel about things I shouldn't feel about. I hate the way I involuntarily twist everything in my mind, therefore becoming stupidly paranoid about it. I hate the fact that I'm just so shit compared to everyone else. I hate how stupid this all is. It's fucking shit.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!

i'm off to the land of DEUTSCH in.....roughly 5 and half hourss :D

Woooo, it should be pretty damn awesome. Even though it means I won't see people tomorrow... :( ...you know who you are..... ;)

lol

Yeah, i'm gna miss you.

But yeah, life right now.....pretty amazing to be honest. I have amazing friends, I am able to be around awesome, jolly people everyday who always make me smile, and, my boyfriend is the most amazing guy in the world.

...I'm so,so, so happy. And i thank each and every one of you fantastic people in my life for making it so worth living (:

Love you all xxxxxx

I run through the alleyway
I run through the rain and the alleyway
I run through the dark the rain and the alleyway
I run until my lungs fail through the dark the rain and the alleyway
I run until my legs are numb until my lungs fail through the dark the rain and the alleyway
I run with tears down my face until my legs are numb until my lungs fail through the dark the rain and the alleyway
I run until I'm coughing up blood with tears down my face until my legs are numb until my lungs fail through the dark the rain and the alleyway
I run and I choke until I'm coughing up blood with tears down my face until my legs are numb until my lungs fail through the dark the rain and the alleyway
I run until the streetlights start to flicker and I choke until I'm coughing up blood with tears down my face until my legs are numb until my lungs fail through the dark the rain and the alleyway
I run with a lifeless body until the streetlights start to flicker and I choke until I'm coughing up blood with tears down my face until my legs are numb until my lungs fail through the dark the rain and the alleyway and I don't stop.
I'm running with you, a lifeless body until the streetlights start to flicker and I choke until I'm coughing up blood with tears down my face until my legs are numb until my lungs fail through the dark the rain and the alleyway and I'll never stop.

You spin me around, until I feel sick
Cut me down, and onto you my blood drips
My shoulders feel heavy
My balance is shit,
And I look for you
But I fall.

I hate being alone
In fear that maybe one day,
I won't see the sun rise.

I hate being alone
In fear that just maybe one day,
I won't see the sun rise.

Quiet like the snow

I don't think I deserve it, selflessness, find your way into my heart. All stars could be brighter, all hearts could be warmer.


Currently writing lyrics for Music.... and this song is inspiring me.

I don't know, I don't feel good.

xxx

...fucking hell

....God that was bloody weird

I was watching this weird documentary on the whole "2012" doomsday thing, and well, apparantly i fell asleep... and i woke up, and i looked at the clock and i thought it was seven in the morning -_-' i was like, panicking because i'd done nothing, hadn't written in my diary or whatever etc, and my mum said... "what are you on about ? " and kind of laughed, and i realised that it is only seven in the evening. Of the same day. Lol xD

That was funneh... And now I feel really weird.

......i'maa go. byeee!
xxxxxx

...Do you?

Do you ever feel like when you're young...3 years feels like a whole lifetime?

So many things can happen, and have happened, and so many amazing things can happen, and have happened.

Sometimes I get scared about the future. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to grow old. I don't want to die.

Not just yet, anyways.

xxxxx

whenever you feel as though there's no hope left he'll bring it to you
whenever you cry and feel hurt he'll wipe your tears and dry your eyes for you
whenever you fall he'll pick you up and carry you
whenever you feel as though you're dying he'll put the light back in your eyes for you.

i've had an amazing day today, and god i'm happy.

xxxxx

gagagagaga

gahgahgahgahgah

was talking to Eliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinimoomundootocom just now... well actually about an hour ago lol on the phonnneeeeeeeeeeee:D

today was...a decently good day:)

even though i was kinda pisseed ooff jsut now....................

>.<

tomorrow!:)

hopefully his phone will be onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

xDD Looooooooooooooool

i'm happy. (:

^_^

^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

tired

hia

it is currently....23:41pm. twenty minutes until midnight. twenty minutes until tomorrow.

Lol

hmm..?

XMAS LIGHTS WERE COOOOOOOOOL!:D i swear hattie's always high.... on love haha xD

today was a mufti dayyy, and................


dun

dun

DUN

THE EXAMS


:O

*shock horror*

...i reckon it went...Ok. Biology paper was fine, but physics.....

bloody f!&@*!£@ hell.


.....i'm not supposed to be on this late... but, who actually cares?
....i'm looking forward to school tomorrow. (Y)
...my hair feels nice because i've just washed it.:D
..and something.

...seriously what the fuck

i'm so confused right now...


argh i hate these "." ARGH

TOAST!

no. no toast. ive gone off toast.

.........................................
.....................
....................................................


................

....

i'm really happy.



xxxxxxxxxx


p.s. it's been too long since i've been able to say that and mean it. now that i can, it's the best feeling i've ever felt.

,

...? for fuck sake.

"Less of the physical contact.."

she thought it was amusing lol!

:D lol whooooops... xD God i thought i was a complete shitarse at physics, but..and i'd revised for hours the day before so that obviously helped.. i got 35/35 on todays paper! *phew*

But i know that when it comes to the ACTUAL exams i'll piss it up and only get half a mark.

or two.

lolz.

god, is it almost wednesday already? time moves so fast..

and also, if you are having similar thoughts to me, or just leave a comment saying what you make or think of it, but like, what do all you guys think of the whole "World to end in 2012 Doomsday" thing? I got a bit worried, well..not a bit, when i first properly read about it roughly two hours ago, and to be honest, i really don't know how i'm feeling about it right now.

All i know is that i really don't want the world to end just yet because there are WAY too many things i want to say and do before i leave this Earth. But if that was to happen, all I'd really want and need is for all the people i love to be with me.

and somehow we'd all stay together.

xxxxxxxxxxx

p.s. my biggest fear is dying alone.

dumps like a truck, truck truck, thighs like a what, what, what!

^^ LOVE it! kate haha xD

...there's nothing bad about my life right now. Apart from the exams coming up on Thursday.... but I even don't feel that bad about them either. ...I can actually honestly, and truly say, there's nothing bad about my life right now.

...you have no idea how good it feels to write that, think that, and say that. Well, maybe some of you do, but yeah (:

i'm happy. sososo happy.

life's good :D

xxxx

...i have no idea what happened to me this weekend

...but i have to say, right now? i feel...lucky. really, lucky.

..things seem right, and i feel really comfortable.

sometimes being paranoid just doesn't do anyone any good.

xxxxxx

so you felt it, but you don't know, why you can't explain at all, that you felt it, 'cause you don't know, no you don't know.

...this weekend has seemed so long, and to be honest tiring.

the only thing good about this weekend was town yesterday.

..i'm going to wash my hair tonight.

so you felt it, but you don't know why you can't explain at all, that you felt it, 'cause you don't know, no you don't know.

break the walls between building atrophy, causing all your problems to recede.

Return to days when you knew you still felt alive
Reveal the way you felt when you could look inside

take back, the beat in your heart. why fight, when you can't be bought.

i just want to go outside and lie in the middle of the road right now. ..nice and peaceful, you know?

xxxxx

.

goddamn it.

wtf?!

right

i was planning on waking up at quarter past 8 this morning, set the alarm for it as well, so I could have time to do some revision maybe, have a small lie-in and get ready to go out today.

but when i woke up, it was fucking 10 minutes to 10. And whats so fucking weird....is that when i looked at my alarm clock to see why the hell it hadn't worked..the screen was blank and somehow the batteries had smashed out.

********

this post above was actually supposed to be posted this morning before i went out.... but i forgot to, and have just found it now lmao xD

So yeah, town was aweeesoomeee:D

It was piissing down outside, so when everyone had arrived, we went off to the food court to hang out, which was realllly awesome:D

then towards the end we went to Waterstone's, and found the awesome, the immense, the EPIC WINDOW SEAT! and sofaaaaaas :D

We now own the WINDOW SEAT + SOFA AREA so anyone who happens to trespass shall be subject to a great whack on the head, and a great push out the window.

I swear my hair was going to be blown off today, wtf is up with the wind?!?!?!


anywaays.....

...why is my ipod playing bring me the horizon???? :O

lool

hmm....anything else to say???
Urrrmmm....

oh yeah, life'sgoodlife'sgoodlife'sgoodlife'sgoodlife'sgoodlilfe'sgood :D

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vertigirl

*Two Person Rave*
:D

OMG yeah that oh my god, oh my god thing works Kate!! (i'm not too sure as to how to do it on here, so thats why its written so uncool..ly? xD)

VERTIGO+GIRL= ...

VERTIGIRL!

..me apparently. >.>

..did you know that Viagra reeeeally isn't the same as Vertigo?

..well it could be if you have a sick mind...

hm.....

TOWN TOMORROW:)

...seriously



what

in


the


BLOODY

FUCK

has happened to House Drama? It used to be so interesting, so full of flair, and imagination, and not its just bollocks.

Windsor- PFFT.

York- PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.

Stuart- Piss Off.

Lancaster- hmm..alright, >.>

Hanover- pretty ok :)

Tudor- GO TUDOR. ...nah.


but seriously, overall? piss.

today was actually quite a boring day.... club was alright though :}

i want to smash my phone....

oOoOoOoOhs yeahh's, i got a DC hoodie:D

I'ma wear it in town tomorrooooooooooooooooooooooooo

...i'm typing weirdly...

ah wells.

tee

hee.

moo

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you
I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know
I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.


listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRehmX3zlwE

xxx

hmmmmmmmm.....

yeah:)




xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

:):):D:D:):)

i feel better...:)

i'm...feeling better:)

....got the same mark as i did yesterday in another physics test today. >:@ !*£& @!*& %*&$!! F!*&@

...excuse me.

...something really freaked me out today O.O it's like i was psychic....

just got back from Kelly's crib, yo. Lmao that was bloody hilarious xD

.....tits your boobday?

xD


hahaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahhah

HOUSE DRAMA TOMORROW! *skip diddy skip*

My name's "skip diddy skip"
I don't ever tolerate lip diddy lip


or some shizzle mcdizzle like dat blud...^^

HAHAHA

xxxxxxxx

i feel bad...

argh. i felt ill, dizzy, tired, achey, shit today at school. i feel better now though, which is good.

But...i'm sorry if i made you feel like i was ignoring you, i was in a crap CRAP mood after the science test, and fucking ill. and i feel really bad now.

i'm going to fail physics. what good is it to just do well in one bloody aspect of science when I completely fuck up all the rest??

...i also want to thank you, for everything. no matter how shit i feel, or what shits happened, one look at you and it's like..it doesn't even matter anymore, and everything just seems alright again.

...if only i had the guts to say it all to you in person.


argh fuck it

xxxxxxx

Pure hearts stumble, in my hands, they crumble

muse's new CD is bloody brilliant.

:D

currently doing science test right now, and it's really not too hard tbh...
lol

*************************
after a while of silence of busisisisisiness...

i've just finished my science test!! lool, it was fairly easy lmao

PARTAY AT KELLY'S WEDNESDAY!

And TOWN on SATURDAY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh :}

yeah boii (:

...i aint no chav.


{When comfort and warmth can't be found I still reach for you}

xxxxx

yoyoyo

god i am actually feeling SO weird right now...


i dont know:S


i cant WAITT to go back to school tomorrow:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

aaand my moommy's getting me muse's new album tomorro xD yeayyyyy

Hold you in my arms, I just wanted to hold you in my arms.





ooh yeah and listen to I Killed The Prom Queen
they are legit;D
xxx

During the struggle they will pull us down but please, please lets use this chance to turn things around, and tonight, we can truly say, together we're invincible.

your mama too and your daaaadaaaaayyyyy

...dunno why i wrote that, i but i had it in my head yesterday at club xD

life'sgoodlife'sgoodlife'sgoodlife'sgoodlife'sgood

I am....going to a bonfire tonight, and sleeping round summer's! raveexD

Lool, i got these JLS (*puke*) stickers in Sugar magazine two days ago, and seeing as Katie really loves JLS...and seeing as i bloody hate them.... i'maa give them to her :D how kind am i. lol xD

i reeeeeally have nothing to write

apart from

yesterday was bloody awesome

school was bloody awesome

club was gooood

and life is bloody awesome.

xxxxxxxseeeyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

p.s. have an epic weekend everyone!!:D xxx

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

life's just too good:D

xxxx

lalalalalalalala

today was amazing. brilliant. awesome. great. good. immense. epic. Perfect.

GAH LIFES JUST SOO GOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I;m so happy

sosossosoosossosoossoosss happy
xxxx

gaga

i think i may have found my tongue....

thanks

arghargharghargharghargharghargharghargharghargharghargh
arghargh
argh
argharghargh
arghargh
arghargharghargharghargh
argharghargharghargharghargharghargh
argh
argh
arghargharghargharghargharghargharghargh
arghargharghargharghargharghargharghargh
arghargh
arghargh
argharghargharghargharghargharghargharghargharghargharghargharghargh



i hold my breath, because you are perfect. but i'm running out of air, and it's not fair.

i can't speak

i have so many things i want to say

and so many things i want to do

ALL THIS IS CRAP

I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE

I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THEM

FROM THE FUCKING SHIT THAT GOES ON EVERY GODDAMN DAY

IT'S HOME . I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAFE CARED FOR LOVED HAPPY

i feel NONE OF THEM WHEN I'M HERE

look, i'm tired of shouting
over a blog, and at home
and i really cant be fucking arsed to fight anymore, the same stupid, childish arguments over and over, and over again for fucks sake.

this had gotten to the point where i dont even know my own mum anymore. my stepdad is really great. but my mum is like dealing with fucking hitler.

say i'm harsh, i dont care. i fucking don't bloody care,

when i had/have problems, my mum never understands. she thinks it's all because i want to go against her. she was horrible to me when i needed help the most.

i got better because of one person. and i want to thank that person for making me feel like i could do it. he makes me feel on top of the world. even when i'm at the bottom.

naturally, i turn to my friends and him for support, my family knows nothing about me
i can't tell them anything, and everyone else knows everything about me and i can tell them anything.

i'm so dependant on those people. they're the reason i think "it's ok, just block out all the bad shit at home, you have school tomorrow/you're going into town, you'll see your friends and him, everything will be ok," "no matter what happens, nothing could ever be that bad."

and its true, i do think like that.

it's just...i can't imagine life without

.

i cant.

xx

i'm on fire

gah sleepover was awesome :}



currently doing art.... mao.



i feel.....don't know why this word but it describes it perfectly, hollow?



i feel hollow



right now, because i wish it was the start of the weekend again

i feel blah because of stuff that's gone on at home. or should i just call it a pit. pit of shit.

and i miss someone. very much.



Switchfoot - On Fire



^good song :)



They tell you where you need to go, they tell you when you need to leave,
They tell you what you need to know, tell you who you need to be,
There's so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words

You're on fire when he's near you, you're on fire when he speaks

You are the hope i have for change, you are the only chance i take
I'm on fire when you're near me, i'm on fire when you speak.

xxx

from the bedroom of Hattie..

i'm currently at hattiees and we are having a great time, and she's just put tattoos all over my arm :P

goodday mate ;) tee hee heee loveee

^^ that was hattieee :P

seeeyouuuuuuuxxxxx

^_^

god i feel absolutely amazing right now. everything's great, everything is perfect, everything is amazing, and i feel so high on lifee

being with him...i feel so safe, cosy, and like everything bad is swept away and completely forgotten about. and just talking to him makes me feel a billion times a billion and infinity plus one times better.

call me soppy, but quite frankly, i don't care anymore.

i'm happy.

xxxxx

OMG

it is the morning of.........a day! :D

you know what? i hate last friday. last friday should jump up its ass and die. diediediediediedie

most haunted last night was briiiiiiliaaaaaaaant :D [they used a tesla (?) coil!!!!] gah

imightgoandwritesomemoreofmysong...butidontknowwhattowriterightnowbuti'lltryanyhow.

...
gah i just completely forgot about this blog entry and went on looking at other shit on the internet lmao


right...i actually have nothing to say, so i really don't know why i actually started this blog post....

urm....i'maa seeyoulaterrrrrrrrrs?



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

im feeling really weird

ive just finished, well not finished i still have a fucking LOAD to do but it's gotten to the point where i just REEALLY cant be FUCKING arsed to do ANY MORE of the FUCKING homework our stupid FUCKING mo'fo of a teacher has FUCKING set us to FUCKING FINISH during the FUCKING half term FUCK IT, *breath*, my FUCKING ART COURSEWORK HOMEWORK SHITE and yeah, i just need to relax on the computer for a bit.

i'm feeling kinda nervous. but i suppose...ina way its a good type of nervous, yeah.

gah i just want to shout can i shout? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MOTHERFUCKERS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SCREW YOU BITCHES FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU


FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


right, that wasn't aimed at ANYONE of the awesome people in my life, mainly at the shitty homework, and just nothing relaly. i dont even know why, i just felt like i wanted to shout.

or type agressively.


.....i've just realised right now, i'm actually...happy.

...and now i feel shit again wtf

well not shit, but not ah fuck it i dunno

i am happy. i feel happier than i have for a long time, and tbh its all down to one person

xxxxx

can't think of a subject

lol
SLEEPOVER WAS EPIC! IMMENSE! FUCKING AWESOME!

woooooo, so many fucking hilarious and ... FUCKING WEIRD things happened in town yesterday AND on the sleepover. hahahahahah xD

i'm going to the Tate Modern museum tomoorrrow :D funfunfun loool
but i'll be out the whole day....:S and OMG

robertyyyyyyyneeesss is coming bacck from berlininininininimun tomorrow! *skip*

ya

and alsoo
two days i have to look forward tooo

....one maybe more than the other

mmhm:)

xxxxxxx peace out bitches

hullloo

OMG steve stop wanking the puppets. and the stalker guy O.O god he was creepy.......

loool vomit jelly beans! ewwwwwwww!!! "where's the bin?"

hahhhahahhah

i'm with kayteiii and we is having a good timeees bloud? *blud

lol

gahhh gosh toast

OMG yeah we're gna make

..

..

..
..

CHICKEN TOAST!!!!!! AND write up the recipe and everythinngggg!!! :d
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXSEEYOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUxxxxxxx

i love this

i'm cool i'm great.... i'm a jerk

that day, never came. that day, never comes. I'm not letting go. I keep, hanging on.

that day, never came.

all that shizzzz...

and damn i reeally want a cheeseburger... actualy no i relaly fucking dont.

TOWN TOMORROW!!!!!!

and then a schlafennnoperr with Kayteei afterwards bludd :)

Roberty and his familiieee are offf to berlinininininimun tomorroww!! i hopess they has good timeeee!

woooooooooooooo im kinda ina hyper mooood.....

Woooo rock on bitches


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyouuuuxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

a lot of shizzz

A lot of shizz blud, A LOTT OF SHIZZZZZZZZZ

lol, i dunno, DONT ASK ME BITCH

meaheaheha.

I reeeeeeeeeally love cookies, i had some todayyy and teaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why, yes, i would like some margarine with that.

I phoned Rob today teheheh was a reeeally random but funny phone call xD even though the phones went weird and pissed up lol

theyre off to the land of berrrlininininness on mondayy, till the day of wednes *:O*

Rob is an irish paedophile (Y) HEHE xD

went to town today at about 4 thirty ishh with my pahruntss (bleh) and went to da kassell blud, and den we went to da heiy sstreet init and goht sum plums yer m8.

i also got... HAIRSPRAY

from tescho's HAHAHOHO

right, who spiked me tea?

currently me is writing song for moosik

I have the beginning so far, but decided to scrap the verse and chorus that i had because they were utterrr shiieet.

I'm loooking forward to writing lyrics tho :3

teeei heiiiiiii

i have quite a decent pretty awesome cool banging slapping wicked sick goddamn brilliant honkey donkkey Half-Term lined up :D

Rock On


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

seeeyouuuuu peoples monday! xxxxxxxx

i have blood on my shirt.

....aand all of my school clothes. -_-' lol.
I got wacked in the head with a hockey stick today! Something like this has never happened to me, and i think i handled it pretty ok... lol
Basically, me, Hattie, Louise, and Becca were sitting out from P.E. because we all weren't doing P.E. obv, but i'd forgotten my P.E. kit, so yeah. And then we were asked to go help get the balls out the bushes (seriously Hattie when you said that to the teacher i had to HOLD in my laughter xDDDD bloody hell lol :L) with the help of hockey sticks, who are now my fucking enemy BASTARDS!
lol
So yeah, we were having a good time for the first twenty minutes, then Louise was swinging her hockey stick to try and knock berries out the tree, but accidentally swung too hard and smacked me right on the head with it lmao
I thought, gah shit, another whack on the head. But then i felt warm...liquid...running down....so, as the first thing i felt was my nose, and then seeing the blood on my hands, i automatically thought I was having a nose bleed, so i said "Louise you gave me a fucking nose bleed!!" but then i felt warmth on my head...so i felt my head...and it wasn't a nosebleed.
"Caz, it's not a nosebleed, it's your fucking head!"

SO yeah, i walked, blood literally pouring down my face, onto my hands, dripping, over to the fieldy area bit, and then i sat down, and hattie and louise i think got the teacher. Either it was that, or they just saw a bloodied face and came over lol.

So i sat down on the grass, and the blood just kept coming out, and dripping onto ALL my clothes, and running down my arm. I wasn't too disturbed by it tbh....probably because ive seen too many horror movies for my own good...but i've just never seen so much blood, coming out of ME.

.....actually no wait i wont say it .

And yeah lol, so hattie was sitting there, louise too, and becca tasted my blood. She said "You have rreaally sweet blood!" o.o WHAT THE FUCK?!

lol!

then, my head was bandaged up, and i remember asking over and OVER again, am i going to pass out?? have i cracked my head open??

Both the answers to those questions was no, so that was good xD

Then i walked back to the office with hattie and louise, and becca, and kelly and a teacher i think. but kelly had to go, and i sat with hattie and louise in the office for a bit whilst i waited for my parents to come .

Then my parents came, and they took me to.....A&E at the.....Royal Surrey Hospital

(Y)

lol.

where i was checked...asked questions.... and had my scalp glued, by two very nice nurses:)

there were other bloodied people in A&E too lmao...it looked like a zombie movie. xD
was fine though

Mum bought me two chocolate bars too:)

SO here i amm, with a glued scalp, that doesn't actually look THAT bad! lol! and i'm feeling actually completely fine now yay:D

going to school tomorrow:) aaaaand TOWN, aaaaaaand BOWLING :Dxxxx

seeyouuuuuuuxxxxxxx

Smouldering Eyes

Your smouldering eyes
Caused her demise
Tried to diguise
The feelings inside
For this she'd lied
For this you'd lied
And that one dark evening
She died inside
But then you tried
You just couldn't hide
You couldn't diguise
The feelings inside
You said your words
And took her hand
Forevermore
Together you'll stand
Your gentle embrace
Makes her feel safe
The way your hair feels
Against her face
You were the one
Since she was young
It's a shame
You'd lost your tongue
All this time
She never knew
All this time
She grew fonder of you
And every time she feels like crying
When she thinks of you
She feels like flying
Keep hold of her hand
Don't let go
You're beautiful, so beautiful
You know
With your smouldering eyes
She can survive
And she
Is me in disguise.

mountanus.

gueeess whaaaaat...



I've just finished my english essay Yayy! *dances* wooo, :D 1,592 words though o.o

LOOOL



ah well, i think i did well :)



I remembered lots of funny things today, like, i think it was last year...year 9, i was in Geography, and talking to Robert and people, and he was telling us how to spell "Mountainous", and when he explained how to spell it, he said "Mount Anus", to show us how to spell it, but he didn't realise what he'd actually said xD It was fucking hilarious. When i remembered it today, i seriously couldn't stop laughing.



I love remembering little things like that, things that made me laugh, things that made me happy



gah, when I think about it, SO much has happened these past years, ESPECIALLY this year. And.. finally things are getting back together, and things are going the best it ever has for me.



OMG AND i remembered this penguin thing today from year 7 apparently! i swearr it was from year 8...ah well xD Eloise, you'll know what I mean :P:P

English last period today was so fucking hilarious.


xD

mmm, and town fridayy! should be preety damn aweshum.

^_^

i'l seeyyoulaterr aligator :3

i'maa...go now teh heh


byeeeexxxxxxx

Today has been, a brilliant day.

Today has actually been a pretty damn awesome day! School was amaaaaazing, lessons were amaaaaaaaaazing, and break+/lunch were amaaaaaazing. P: :P :3 loool.

Wooopiedoo, lol, i've just done some of my esssayyy, and so far i've done 949 words. *clap clap*
yippity too tah hey. lol. Meh, and i've still got two more points to write, AND the conclusion -_-' Ah well, i think it's pretty ok so far. A bit tricky at times, but I still have the whole year to improve apparently so thats goooood.

*IT'S NIICE.* (lol, say it with a Borat accent or it'll just be stupid.)

Alsoo, i'm getting my computer and my tv back after next week! hallelujah!

OMG AND I'M HAVING PIZZA TONIGHT

Jeeeezzzz llife's goooooodd :D pizza pizza piizzaa pizza pizza piiizza piza piza piza pza pza papa paapaza p.

looooooool

I think i'ma take a break from the essay now, (technically i already am nerhahaha) but, i will anyways, ive been working for a ...fair amount of time :)

I feel good, da na na na na na na. Anyone else feel good? Leave a comment :D Lol

Hmm....dont have much to ssay.....

I'll seeyou guys! xxx

xxx

nanu

LOOOOOL NANUU

ahem. anyways :P

things have been.....weird recently. well, stuff at home. In three words?

Home's been shit.

its gotten to the point where i literally dread coming home after school. i get a sinking feeling the moment i remember i've got to go home. And i get a sinking feeling when it gets nearer to 3:30.

i'm sick of feeling forced. i'm sick of feeling lower than everyone else. i'm sick of feeling like i don't have a mum. i'm sick of feeling scared

schools the escape, i just, as geeky as this may sound, (i dont care to be quite frank), i love school, because i don't feel unsafe all the time, i don't feel like i owe everyone something, when i've done nothing wrong to actually be treated like i am, and i just feel so happy because i get to be with my friends and that amazing someone.

he makes me feel safe. he makes me feel wanted, like i'm alive. his embrace heals me that day, and makes me feel like nothing will be that bad, because i have him.

yesterday, friday, was probably the best day i've had so far. I can't really single out one particular reason as to why it was, but it was a mixture of amazing things. i was also allowed out to club yesterday :)

things have been....better, i suppose, for the last two days. today's been okay, things are..they feel strangely really good right now.. and i'm looking forward to tomorrow soo much.

but after this brilliant weekend, the spiral will begin again on monday. all, over, again

oh btw, hey who's going to town next friday?

anyways.

at night, almost every night i lie there, and i just think about everything, what's happened in that day, what's happened recently, who's being a bitch, etc etc, and i kind of..analyse (if that's the right word to use...) it all
It's weird the stuff i come up with.... lol.

my friends are seriously, so amazing. everybody is so different, and so special, but we all share an amazing bond with eachother, i love it so much.

some good news... i'm practically ungrounded!!! I'm allowed out during half term, allowed to club next friday too :) score xD lol

i'm going to have some chocolate cake later, yum, i seirously love chocolatecake :D

life's been hard. but i'm lucky enough to have things that make it easier.
the "relaxation time" in music yesterday was really amazing, it's just so awesome to just...zone out, and just..be. I really loved it :)

i bought "The Crucible" today by arthur miller , and some hairspray for tomorrow! Mwahahaha...

yeahhh. #

hmm...this blog kinda showed my rollercoaster of moods. yesterday i was suddenly feeling so crap, shit, upset, and pretty ...depressed :S during Science, even though i was laughing a lot...but yeah, i felt a bit weird during music still, but the relaxation time reeallly helped with that :)

i'd also had the HPV jab yeschterydaayy... it actually wasn't bad at all! i was chatting to the person who was giving me the jab like she was my friend, and i was actually...smiling when i got it O.O but not because im some weirdo who enjoys having a sharp, thin pointy stick shoved into their arm.... >.> It just ached a little after, and probably caused my pissedoffnessnessss.

so yeah, theres the update on my recent lifee............

so yeah

to all my friends, thank you for being there for me, you guys are so amazing.
and to him, thanks for making me feel so safe. and you're everything, to me.




tomorrow.....FRIGHT NIGHT!


boo!

xD

seeyaaaxxxx

wow...

wow....i've found out a lot these past ...day lol
yesterday....i found out something that i wished hadnt have been true, but turns out, it actually isn't true!
turns out...the feelings mutual (L)
truth is...ive liked him for a longg time....but other complications caused me to keep it secret, partly because I didn't think there was any way he could ever like me like that, and also, a best friend who really liked him at the time. I just...really, realy couldn't hurt her like that. Plus she liked him more at the time.
but now things are different. yesterday had to have been one of the best days of my life.
well, the evening at least. :)


(: andd i'm also soo happy for my two other friends...who will probably be getting together soon :D:D yayyayyay *dances*
lol xD

today was.....great, in some cases....and shitty...in some cases....O.O

you could never be crap.

i'maa ...go now :)

seeyous laters munnzz

xxxxxxx

p.s kate, you know i seriously never mean any of this to hurt you. how can i hurt you, you're one of the people i want to keep a bezzie for life, because no matter what happens, we'll all pull eachother through, someway or another, right? so kate, i'm sorry. and, i really, really, do love you. xxxx

what if i knew at the time.
what if i could just hold him for one goddamned second.
what if i could just stop crying.
what if i could be normal again.
what if my life wasn't so fucked up.

stop playing me around.

and go and fuck yourself.

something i thought about when i wrote a song last night.
something i thought about when i wrote another today.
something i think about constantly.
something i need.
something i want.
something i can't live without.
something i'm falling into.

something that will probably become nothing at all.

fuck it.

club tonight!! fun, its been far too fucking fuck long.
school was goood todayy!! Got a good mark on my homework from music, and art was good too, im really glad i;m doing well in the two subjects that are most important to me.

getting my haircut tomorrow :) Prepare to not recognise me on monday....
teh hehhhhhh
mwahahhaahahahaha
moo.

ANYHOOOOOOOO

hm....

i've not posted in a while....

shrimp

toast.

I LOVE COOKIES AND CARAMEL SHORTBREAD AND YOGHURT AND CHOCOLATE AND CRISPS AND BURGERS AND CHIPS FUCK IIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT


ABHDuioudfg aufguarbvuyAWGDUIWRfe ygbgefgbyi\wwtba4bretnjweym4ey54yw6jGYGIGGIOFIYFUGFKVFUIBUIIGBUGBUIFUCKITITITITIII

you know what? I wish people would stop being so fucking pissy, playing people around, making them THINK a certain thing, when things just go and fuck up in the end.

cheese, anyone?

MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

piss off you arsehole, you fucking are a twat, i fucking HATE YOU
STOP FUCKING ME AROUND


i'll seeya.

fml.

flabbadiflabbadidoooogeageghbuashguhrbgbnvbwhefaddndainoia.

^^ another...disease, i suppose. lol
I am currently "packing" (shoving a load of shite that i set my eyes on into random, multiple plastic bags). Lol, i THINK i've just about packed everything......
I'm going to fucking miss my friends SO FUCKING much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But i'm pretty looking forward to sitting on a plane for 10 hours!! But wait...i'm also stopping at Munich, so taht's 2 hours about....then another 10 hours to Beijing....which is 12 hours in total :D Lol, but actually, for some reason, i REEALLLLLY LOVE airports! and going on airplanes, and juist everything about airports!! I just...love the atmosphere, love everything that goes on, love...travelling really. And i just LOVE airports. I'm taking my diary, and that should keep me busy for...half an hour on the plane! Lmao, nah, i'll probably write at every half hour interval or something.
yeah, that'll be really fun actually!! :P:P
i'm going to be so fucking jetlagged. I'm leaving during the afternoon (i think) tomorrow, then arriving in beijing in the afternoon the next day, but it'll feel like its today *EDIT* tomorrow...wait actually...it might not....wtf? i thought i was gna be jetlagged...ohah well.

So yeah....not done much today....
actulaly,i went to woking with my mummmmmmmmmy, then town to buy schtuff. :P
hmmm....i may actualy be allowed to get the cartilidge in my ear pierced!!
Well, apparently (i say apparently too much....wait actually this is tehe first time ive said it in this post...wtf...oh well it feels like i do, anyways) it'slike, 38 degrees CELSIUS

FUCKING CELSIUS
in beijing *o.o*

And...the wind speed is.....0.

ze---ro.

ze---fucking---ro.

ZE--FUCKING--RO.

*ok ok i fucking get it*

so yeah, that means boiling friggin hot, humid, and NO WIND. no leetle bit of wind that could cool me down. zilch. zip. zippetydoodah. zeroo. zoop.

Butoh well. in the shoping centres n shit, n indoor places, there is a bloody OVERLOAD of air con.

So it should be okiises :3

hmm....haz i got anyting else to szay??

nein...

oh yeah. im gna fucking MISS ALL MY FRIENNNNNDSSSS!!! mao ;(

Well, hope you guys are ALL having a great time this summer holidiiaaeyyyy!!
wooooooo

byyyee!!

I hope to write from china tooo!!!

byedisbeybcebasckuehcubevkaevwnevnabevnoia.
^i have this disease. it means a compulsivesnesshjvbjksguvekunnoia ofdnafuihnoia creatinganoia diseaseaseasefcsnoia.

fml.

i haven't written for a whilee....

yo, lol
i haven't written in this blog for a while..... but i am bored out of my shitty mind right now, and currently doing fuck all (*thumb up*) so i decided to write a load of shite in this blog.
man, i need to stop fucking swearing! But i can't be arsed, -_-'
Anywayyys, me and loooaaads of my best friends went into town yesterdayy :D
It was friggin amaazing, and reeeally lovely, hot and sunny too! I....also saw Nick again. Because, it was Sunday, and he was working there. I mean, i knew he was going to be working there, but SOMEBODY (*ahem* SAM *ahem*) congerged (?) *EDIT* congered up the idea of going to the Food Court, when i specifically said NOOOOO FOOODYY COURT MUNZ!

Lol, it's fine don't worry.

But yeah. I saw Nick. Not sure if he saw me, but actually I think he did. :S
It was hard, and it hurt.
But you know,i had to face my "fear" (lol) sooner or later, and when better than when i'm with all my brilliant mates?

oh btw, THE MO'FO GRASSHOPPER IS GONE

i think....

well, i haven't really paid attention to a grassyhoopery noise in the last week, but, i can't hear it now anyways lol.

I'M GOING ON HOLIDAY TO CHINA THIS WEDNESDAY!!! IN TWO DAYS!!!!

Yay:D
It should be prettyy cool teh heh.
Going to be fucking boiling....and fucking loads of fucking sunlight....but at least i can fucking even out my fucking tanlines, right? :D (x_x excuse my Norwegianese.)

anyways....

search charlieskies on youtube, he's cooooooooooool :) and HOT
mehehehaehaehahechahechaevfbvibrorvnuioa.

^^ sounds like some sort of disease...

well, yarhh, i went out for a half hour "brisk" walk today. i really enjoyed it actually:) louurrvvelliieeyyy sunlight, and i had some pretty legit music on my ipod too.

listen to Asking Alexandria, they're a myspace band, and they're pretty fucking good! no wait, IMMENSE.
oh and also, listen to Alesana too :) I've just started to listen to them since yesterday, and i like them.
AAANND...Blessthefall are good too

i'mmmaa..........................cut you!

haha, no. :L

i'mmmaa go nowww
playing teenees (tennis DUR hahahahhaa. O.O)
in a momomo, so byeeee penises!

mahyehyeahyeahyehyeaye.

fml.

i'll be here by the ocean, just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams. all my sand castles fall, like the ashes of cigarettes, and every wave drags me to sea

and i'll be sitting here for hours, all alone and in the dark.

so let me think of how to word it. is it too soon to say "perfect"?

let's not pretend that you're alone tonight.

the banana and oranges have lost their zest.

if that makes any sense. ergh. i'll get over it. i'll find someone a hundred and TWO times more gorgeous, nicer, sweeter, lovely, perfect.


i swear that you don't have to go, i thought we could wait for the fireworks, i thought we could wait for the snow, to wash over Georgia and kill the hurt

penis

Ah shit, i keep hearing this grasshopper buzz in the corner behind me... i think there's a stupidass buggy in my room.....D:
Ooh...guess what, I'm going into town tomorrow! Yay! I get to see Zesty Bloke (I know I know his name, but i really love "Zesty Bloke" xD) yayyyy
I think everything's going to be alright. And, seeing as i'm seeing him tomorrow, that means that i can see him at least TWICE in the next week :D

FUCK I JUST HEARD THE GRASSHOPPER AGAIN >///<

I went to Brighton today :D It was...awesome! Sunny and big wavess!:P

OH YOU STUPIDASS GRASSHOPPER MO'FO
Shit i think it's under my bed...

DIE BIIIITCH DIIIEEEE

*Buzz*

Oh you asshole.

Omgosh, and yeah, I found out today, that Stephen Byrne, (3sixty5days, look him up on YouTube if you haven't already, he's the SHIZ) ...is gay. I mean, I have no problem whatsoever with him being gay as i'm not homophobic (and tbh, i think homophobia is gay), but it just came as a bit of a shock that's all. But i'm glad he's in love :) An awesome guy that works as hard as he does, really, really deserves it.

I'm happy. And i hope everyone else is happy too! *Pumps HappiJuice into everybody*
ahem.

so yeah...Kaytei i hope you're uberly happy and having an epic blast (why the @&£! is everything sounding so wrong?? o.O) in Waless! And Robert, I hope you're having an epic blast (ok, seriously, STOP WITH THE WRONGNESS) in Cornwall too! And everyone else who is somewhere in the world doing something, or even doing nothing, i hope you're having a good time experiencing it all! :D


*silence from grassy...*


Have fun, i've gotta go sort out this stupid mo'fo of a grasshopper....

Yeah boii

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Why the fuck do i feel sick?

Because the sun is out, the sky is pretty clear, and I have a lot of fun things I could be doing now on the computer, so why the hell do I feel sick with all this? I'm allowed into town next Friday again, so i'm reeeeally happy about that. But something just happened that made me doubt that i'll see him again. If ever. I'm just never that lucky about anything. But you know what? FUCK IT, I AM going to see him again, one of my best friends said, "If you keep up that attitude, see if it gets you anywhere." So fuck it, I'm seeing him again. At every cost.
Sometimes it really, really hurts, because I don't know why....i know i've barely known him for like 3 days, but i don't know why, I just feel like I want to see him again so fucking badly.
I can't stop thinking about him. And whoever reads this blog, yeah fuck it, you're going to think i'm stupid, I FUCKING GET THAT, OKAY? I don't need EVERY SINGLE BLOODY LIVING SOUL ON THIS GODDAMN SHITHOLE OF A PLANET TELLING ME EVERY SECOND OF EVERY GODDAMNED DAY.

Right now I just need a distraction. I have plenty, i have a computer right here in my room don't I? So, i'll be somewhat fine for today.

<3

You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, i'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds.

Today was truly, truly, TRULY, amazing.

Oh my gosh. Today was awesome. I went into town with Kayteiiiii again! :D We had a really awesome time, and we've still got tomorrow too, as she's coming round for a sleepover! *dances*
Teh heh.
Well, as usual, we went and say in the Food Court again, :P. And, i thought, "Meh, Zesty Bloke (WHO I NOW KNOW THE NAME OF) isn't going to be there..:\" (because I thought he only worked on Sundays) Buuut, whilst we were on the escalators heading up, Kate was looking, and she suddenly said, "Omgosh, yeah Zesty Bloke's there!" I was just like, "Yeah, right" And she was like, "Seriously, he is, look!!" And i looked. HE WAS THERE! I was so happy :D
SO we went and sat in our usual place, and I continued to "Gawp" at him teehee :P
Then we began a conversation on how much we wanted to know what his name was... We thought he looked like a "Josh", a "Jake", or maybe even a "Will" haha xD Then Kate kept nagging me, "Caroline, just go fecking talk to him! Ask him his name, i mean, what's the worst that could happen, what if you don't see him again, just make the most of it now!" So eventually, I had to do it. I'm SO glad she made me do it too!!!
So we went up to buy something, and...call me weird, but, i could swear I saw him look up, smile, like he'd recognised me, and looked happy to see me. Kate even said she saw that too *blush* Yay
So, I bought the usual, Fruit Flakes, and Firefly Peach, Greentea, Ginseng + Damiana drink. :D
And this was the conversation....

Nick: "Hi," (I could swear I heard him say "again" really quietly or something lol...)
Me: "Hi, can i get these please?" (God, I'm thinking "Oh my god he's so effing gorrrge)
Nick: "Yeah sure"
Me: "That's...£2.30 please :)" (GORGE smile)
Me: "Here you go"
Nick: "Thanks"
Me:"By the way, what's your name?" (I reckon i sounded pretty cool and casual.. hehe)
Nick: (After a shy pause) "Nick" (AND a GOORRGGEE smile)
(I paused for a bit....wondering if he was going to ask my name...and we kind of gazed into eachother's eyes for a bit.......ahem anyway)
Nick: "And your name?"
Me: "Caroline"
Nick: "Caroline..." (With a smile on his face whilst he finished using the till)
(Then he hands me the change I think...)
Me: "Thanks"
Nick: "So how's your day been?"
Me: "Pretty good, thanks :D, you?"
Nick: "Meh, so-so haha :P"
(Then some random shizz I can't actually remember -_-' lol)
Nick: "Have a good day! :) :)" (and that, GORRRGGGEEEEEEE smile)
Me: "Thanks, you too! :D"

and yeah...it was heavenly.

Lmao, Kate, youre impulses are weird :P *does fish face* :P LOL

BUST A MOVE

...*o.o*

XDDD

byeeee xxxxxxxxx

And a little bit of fucking low...

You know, it never matters who i'm with, or who I think about, i never feel like i'm good enough to be with them. Never. I mean, I'm not going to say i'm the ugliest person in the world, because I know i'm not, and i'm not meaning to sound vain, but I know I have a fair share of looks I suppose. And I'm not going to say that i'm not talented. I know for a fact i've passed grade 8 for piano, and I know for a fact that maybe i do have a talent in art. But they don't help when it comes to liking someone. I really find it hard to believe that someone could want me as their girlfriend. That someone could ever call me, beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, lovely, or even say those three fucking words that we all take for granted, "I love you."
I know i've just gotten out of a relationship, but these feelings have been fucking me up for too long.
Whenever I see someone who I think is "hot" on the street, I see the girl beside them, and I just feel like I really, really suck.
Sometimes when I'm out with my mates, some people pass us, and they don't even glance at me, instead they stare at the pretty girls around me. I don't mean to sound like a jealous bitch, because the last thing I want is to stir up shit. And i love my friends so fucking much, they're my real family.
Sometimes, the thought of some perfect person crosses my mind, and it's nice to think about it at first, then I just realise I'll never get someone like that. They all fall for the blonde, gorgeous, skinny, preppy, big-haired, funny, brilliant girls, right?


You know, I wish things would go completely my way for once. But I know that's too much to ask. Life ain't a fucking fairytale, is it.




going out to town again with Kayteii tomorrow, that should be really, really good.
xxxxxxxxx

A little bit of Zest...

Today was awesoooomee :D Went into town with Kaytei, I needed to get out of the house (because of things that I don't reeeally want to say) and, we just had the best time ever. I'm really glad that I'm actually starting to feel alright about things.

Omgooshhh, right, we were in the food court, at like 1 o'clock, and we were sort of "hottie-spotting" lol, and i saw this reeeeeeally cute guy working at Zest (Hallllleeeelujah, Hallelujahh, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Haaaallllleeeeeeeluuuuujjjjaaaahhhh) so I was like, "Hey Kate, that guy at Zest is hot" and like, eventually, after lots of me saying "Omg hes so hot, he's so gorgeous Kate! Omgosh I'm going to die because he's so gorgeous, Omg Omg OMG" , I eventually had the courage to...............buy a packet of ..Fruit Flakes. :D

So we went up, and I got a packet of Fruit Flakes (I didn't actually look to see what flavour, because I was too busy staring at his GORGEOUS eyes may i add, but they tasted good anyways so it was alright. The Fruit Flakes, not his eyes. Even though they were tasty, ANYWAYS) and he smiled, and said "Is that all?" and his eyes were sooo gorgeous, seriously, his smile is soo cute, and he is sooo much cuter, and hotter when up close :P And he said "Thank You" after wards in the cutest wayy.
I'm probably getting too asfdbisbfdiabfvibh about this, but he is so HOT.
He also caught me staring a couple of times... (well, more than a couple actually...) and he didn't actually look away....... so hot. Then he went to the looo, and i said he had a cute butt :D (HE DID!)

*hehe*

I kept going on, and on, and ON about how gorgeous and hot he is. Then me and Kate went round town for a bit, then came back, and saw Zesty Bloke, and i was like "Hallelujahh". so hot.

So we sat down in our usual place, and we'd bought some fooods so we ate that :) Then Zesty Bloke got up to get some food from Subway, he also caught us looking back at one point... *blush*

Then he went back to his Zesty smoothiee making shoppy den thingyy (feel free to tell me what it's actually called lol) and sat in, what me and Kate call, "The Cup Cupboard". (Yes, I WOULD make those cups fall...maahaaahhaa ;)) Then we decided to go to the looo lol, and when we passed Zesty Bloke, I glanced at him, not too eagerly and desperatelyy, like twice, and he didn't break the stare, and it was just like..... *blushblushblushblushblush*.

Then after a whilleee of towning, me going on and on about Zesty Bloke, and Kate going on and on about...someone, we decided to go back to our EVIL HEADQUARTERS.

....The Food Court.

And once again, we were sat there, with me staring at Zesty Bloke all the time. <3

Then I said, "For old time's sake, I should go and get something from Zest again" and so we went up, and I got a reallly yummy Firefly Peach, Greentea + Ginseng and Damiana drink :D

We also got to watch him blend some smooothies for the people in front of us...mmmmmhmmmm.......

And when it was my turn to pay, after a looonnggg, niicee time of staring at him... he said "Hi again" in the sweetest voice. and i actualy made proper eye contact with him, and smiled, before going back to our seating spot.

Today was an awesome day. NOT just because of Zesty Bloke lol, but because I got to spend a reeeeally amazing time with Kayteiii :D 'Twas brill.

Oh and a also got some Rockaholic TIGI hairspray teh heh xD

...i think that's all I have to sayy.......

Byeeeee!!

xxx