i'll be here by the ocean, just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams. all my sand castles fall, like the ashes of cigarettes, and every wave drags me to sea

and i'll be sitting here for hours, all alone and in the dark.

so let me think of how to word it. is it too soon to say "perfect"?

let's not pretend that you're alone tonight.

the banana and oranges have lost their zest.

if that makes any sense. ergh. i'll get over it. i'll find someone a hundred and TWO times more gorgeous, nicer, sweeter, lovely, perfect.


i swear that you don't have to go, i thought we could wait for the fireworks, i thought we could wait for the snow, to wash over Georgia and kill the hurt

penis

Ah shit, i keep hearing this grasshopper buzz in the corner behind me... i think there's a stupidass buggy in my room.....D:
Ooh...guess what, I'm going into town tomorrow! Yay! I get to see Zesty Bloke (I know I know his name, but i really love "Zesty Bloke" xD) yayyyy
I think everything's going to be alright. And, seeing as i'm seeing him tomorrow, that means that i can see him at least TWICE in the next week :D

FUCK I JUST HEARD THE GRASSHOPPER AGAIN >///<

I went to Brighton today :D It was...awesome! Sunny and big wavess!:P

OH YOU STUPIDASS GRASSHOPPER MO'FO
Shit i think it's under my bed...

DIE BIIIITCH DIIIEEEE

*Buzz*

Oh you asshole.

Omgosh, and yeah, I found out today, that Stephen Byrne, (3sixty5days, look him up on YouTube if you haven't already, he's the SHIZ) ...is gay. I mean, I have no problem whatsoever with him being gay as i'm not homophobic (and tbh, i think homophobia is gay), but it just came as a bit of a shock that's all. But i'm glad he's in love :) An awesome guy that works as hard as he does, really, really deserves it.

I'm happy. And i hope everyone else is happy too! *Pumps HappiJuice into everybody*
ahem.

so yeah...Kaytei i hope you're uberly happy and having an epic blast (why the @&£! is everything sounding so wrong?? o.O) in Waless! And Robert, I hope you're having an epic blast (ok, seriously, STOP WITH THE WRONGNESS) in Cornwall too! And everyone else who is somewhere in the world doing something, or even doing nothing, i hope you're having a good time experiencing it all! :D


*silence from grassy...*


Have fun, i've gotta go sort out this stupid mo'fo of a grasshopper....

Yeah boii

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Why the fuck do i feel sick?

Because the sun is out, the sky is pretty clear, and I have a lot of fun things I could be doing now on the computer, so why the hell do I feel sick with all this? I'm allowed into town next Friday again, so i'm reeeeally happy about that. But something just happened that made me doubt that i'll see him again. If ever. I'm just never that lucky about anything. But you know what? FUCK IT, I AM going to see him again, one of my best friends said, "If you keep up that attitude, see if it gets you anywhere." So fuck it, I'm seeing him again. At every cost.
Sometimes it really, really hurts, because I don't know why....i know i've barely known him for like 3 days, but i don't know why, I just feel like I want to see him again so fucking badly.
I can't stop thinking about him. And whoever reads this blog, yeah fuck it, you're going to think i'm stupid, I FUCKING GET THAT, OKAY? I don't need EVERY SINGLE BLOODY LIVING SOUL ON THIS GODDAMN SHITHOLE OF A PLANET TELLING ME EVERY SECOND OF EVERY GODDAMNED DAY.

Right now I just need a distraction. I have plenty, i have a computer right here in my room don't I? So, i'll be somewhat fine for today.

<3

You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, i'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds.

Today was truly, truly, TRULY, amazing.

Oh my gosh. Today was awesome. I went into town with Kayteiiiii again! :D We had a really awesome time, and we've still got tomorrow too, as she's coming round for a sleepover! *dances*
Teh heh.
Well, as usual, we went and say in the Food Court again, :P. And, i thought, "Meh, Zesty Bloke (WHO I NOW KNOW THE NAME OF) isn't going to be there..:\" (because I thought he only worked on Sundays) Buuut, whilst we were on the escalators heading up, Kate was looking, and she suddenly said, "Omgosh, yeah Zesty Bloke's there!" I was just like, "Yeah, right" And she was like, "Seriously, he is, look!!" And i looked. HE WAS THERE! I was so happy :D
SO we went and sat in our usual place, and I continued to "Gawp" at him teehee :P
Then we began a conversation on how much we wanted to know what his name was... We thought he looked like a "Josh", a "Jake", or maybe even a "Will" haha xD Then Kate kept nagging me, "Caroline, just go fecking talk to him! Ask him his name, i mean, what's the worst that could happen, what if you don't see him again, just make the most of it now!" So eventually, I had to do it. I'm SO glad she made me do it too!!!
So we went up to buy something, and...call me weird, but, i could swear I saw him look up, smile, like he'd recognised me, and looked happy to see me. Kate even said she saw that too *blush* Yay
So, I bought the usual, Fruit Flakes, and Firefly Peach, Greentea, Ginseng + Damiana drink. :D
And this was the conversation....

Nick: "Hi," (I could swear I heard him say "again" really quietly or something lol...)
Me: "Hi, can i get these please?" (God, I'm thinking "Oh my god he's so effing gorrrge)
Nick: "Yeah sure"
Me: "That's...£2.30 please :)" (GORGE smile)
Me: "Here you go"
Nick: "Thanks"
Me:"By the way, what's your name?" (I reckon i sounded pretty cool and casual.. hehe)
Nick: (After a shy pause) "Nick" (AND a GOORRGGEE smile)
(I paused for a bit....wondering if he was going to ask my name...and we kind of gazed into eachother's eyes for a bit.......ahem anyway)
Nick: "And your name?"
Me: "Caroline"
Nick: "Caroline..." (With a smile on his face whilst he finished using the till)
(Then he hands me the change I think...)
Me: "Thanks"
Nick: "So how's your day been?"
Me: "Pretty good, thanks :D, you?"
Nick: "Meh, so-so haha :P"
(Then some random shizz I can't actually remember -_-' lol)
Nick: "Have a good day! :) :)" (and that, GORRRGGGEEEEEEE smile)
Me: "Thanks, you too! :D"

and yeah...it was heavenly.

Lmao, Kate, youre impulses are weird :P *does fish face* :P LOL

BUST A MOVE

...*o.o*

XDDD

byeeee xxxxxxxxx

And a little bit of fucking low...

You know, it never matters who i'm with, or who I think about, i never feel like i'm good enough to be with them. Never. I mean, I'm not going to say i'm the ugliest person in the world, because I know i'm not, and i'm not meaning to sound vain, but I know I have a fair share of looks I suppose. And I'm not going to say that i'm not talented. I know for a fact i've passed grade 8 for piano, and I know for a fact that maybe i do have a talent in art. But they don't help when it comes to liking someone. I really find it hard to believe that someone could want me as their girlfriend. That someone could ever call me, beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, lovely, or even say those three fucking words that we all take for granted, "I love you."
I know i've just gotten out of a relationship, but these feelings have been fucking me up for too long.
Whenever I see someone who I think is "hot" on the street, I see the girl beside them, and I just feel like I really, really suck.
Sometimes when I'm out with my mates, some people pass us, and they don't even glance at me, instead they stare at the pretty girls around me. I don't mean to sound like a jealous bitch, because the last thing I want is to stir up shit. And i love my friends so fucking much, they're my real family.
Sometimes, the thought of some perfect person crosses my mind, and it's nice to think about it at first, then I just realise I'll never get someone like that. They all fall for the blonde, gorgeous, skinny, preppy, big-haired, funny, brilliant girls, right?


You know, I wish things would go completely my way for once. But I know that's too much to ask. Life ain't a fucking fairytale, is it.




going out to town again with Kayteii tomorrow, that should be really, really good.
xxxxxxxxx

A little bit of Zest...

Today was awesoooomee :D Went into town with Kaytei, I needed to get out of the house (because of things that I don't reeeally want to say) and, we just had the best time ever. I'm really glad that I'm actually starting to feel alright about things.

Omgooshhh, right, we were in the food court, at like 1 o'clock, and we were sort of "hottie-spotting" lol, and i saw this reeeeeeally cute guy working at Zest (Hallllleeeelujah, Hallelujahh, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Haaaallllleeeeeeeluuuuujjjjaaaahhhh) so I was like, "Hey Kate, that guy at Zest is hot" and like, eventually, after lots of me saying "Omg hes so hot, he's so gorgeous Kate! Omgosh I'm going to die because he's so gorgeous, Omg Omg OMG" , I eventually had the courage to...............buy a packet of ..Fruit Flakes. :D

So we went up, and I got a packet of Fruit Flakes (I didn't actually look to see what flavour, because I was too busy staring at his GORGEOUS eyes may i add, but they tasted good anyways so it was alright. The Fruit Flakes, not his eyes. Even though they were tasty, ANYWAYS) and he smiled, and said "Is that all?" and his eyes were sooo gorgeous, seriously, his smile is soo cute, and he is sooo much cuter, and hotter when up close :P And he said "Thank You" after wards in the cutest wayy.
I'm probably getting too asfdbisbfdiabfvibh about this, but he is so HOT.
He also caught me staring a couple of times... (well, more than a couple actually...) and he didn't actually look away....... so hot. Then he went to the looo, and i said he had a cute butt :D (HE DID!)

*hehe*

I kept going on, and on, and ON about how gorgeous and hot he is. Then me and Kate went round town for a bit, then came back, and saw Zesty Bloke, and i was like "Hallelujahh". so hot.

So we sat down in our usual place, and we'd bought some fooods so we ate that :) Then Zesty Bloke got up to get some food from Subway, he also caught us looking back at one point... *blush*

Then he went back to his Zesty smoothiee making shoppy den thingyy (feel free to tell me what it's actually called lol) and sat in, what me and Kate call, "The Cup Cupboard". (Yes, I WOULD make those cups fall...maahaaahhaa ;)) Then we decided to go to the looo lol, and when we passed Zesty Bloke, I glanced at him, not too eagerly and desperatelyy, like twice, and he didn't break the stare, and it was just like..... *blushblushblushblushblush*.

Then after a whilleee of towning, me going on and on about Zesty Bloke, and Kate going on and on about...someone, we decided to go back to our EVIL HEADQUARTERS.

....The Food Court.

And once again, we were sat there, with me staring at Zesty Bloke all the time. <3

Then I said, "For old time's sake, I should go and get something from Zest again" and so we went up, and I got a reallly yummy Firefly Peach, Greentea + Ginseng and Damiana drink :D

We also got to watch him blend some smooothies for the people in front of us...mmmmmhmmmm.......

And when it was my turn to pay, after a looonnggg, niicee time of staring at him... he said "Hi again" in the sweetest voice. and i actualy made proper eye contact with him, and smiled, before going back to our seating spot.

Today was an awesome day. NOT just because of Zesty Bloke lol, but because I got to spend a reeeeally amazing time with Kayteiii :D 'Twas brill.

Oh and a also got some Rockaholic TIGI hairspray teh heh xD

...i think that's all I have to sayy.......

Byeeeee!!

xxx