nanu

LOOOOOL NANUU

ahem. anyways :P

things have been.....weird recently. well, stuff at home. In three words?

Home's been shit.

its gotten to the point where i literally dread coming home after school. i get a sinking feeling the moment i remember i've got to go home. And i get a sinking feeling when it gets nearer to 3:30.

i'm sick of feeling forced. i'm sick of feeling lower than everyone else. i'm sick of feeling like i don't have a mum. i'm sick of feeling scared

schools the escape, i just, as geeky as this may sound, (i dont care to be quite frank), i love school, because i don't feel unsafe all the time, i don't feel like i owe everyone something, when i've done nothing wrong to actually be treated like i am, and i just feel so happy because i get to be with my friends and that amazing someone.

he makes me feel safe. he makes me feel wanted, like i'm alive. his embrace heals me that day, and makes me feel like nothing will be that bad, because i have him.

yesterday, friday, was probably the best day i've had so far. I can't really single out one particular reason as to why it was, but it was a mixture of amazing things. i was also allowed out to club yesterday :)

things have been....better, i suppose, for the last two days. today's been okay, things are..they feel strangely really good right now.. and i'm looking forward to tomorrow soo much.

but after this brilliant weekend, the spiral will begin again on monday. all, over, again

oh btw, hey who's going to town next friday?

anyways.

at night, almost every night i lie there, and i just think about everything, what's happened in that day, what's happened recently, who's being a bitch, etc etc, and i kind of..analyse (if that's the right word to use...) it all
It's weird the stuff i come up with.... lol.

my friends are seriously, so amazing. everybody is so different, and so special, but we all share an amazing bond with eachother, i love it so much.

some good news... i'm practically ungrounded!!! I'm allowed out during half term, allowed to club next friday too :) score xD lol

i'm going to have some chocolate cake later, yum, i seirously love chocolatecake :D

life's been hard. but i'm lucky enough to have things that make it easier.
the "relaxation time" in music yesterday was really amazing, it's just so awesome to just...zone out, and just..be. I really loved it :)

i bought "The Crucible" today by arthur miller , and some hairspray for tomorrow! Mwahahaha...

yeahhh. #

hmm...this blog kinda showed my rollercoaster of moods. yesterday i was suddenly feeling so crap, shit, upset, and pretty ...depressed :S during Science, even though i was laughing a lot...but yeah, i felt a bit weird during music still, but the relaxation time reeallly helped with that :)

i'd also had the HPV jab yeschterydaayy... it actually wasn't bad at all! i was chatting to the person who was giving me the jab like she was my friend, and i was actually...smiling when i got it O.O but not because im some weirdo who enjoys having a sharp, thin pointy stick shoved into their arm.... >.> It just ached a little after, and probably caused my pissedoffnessnessss.

so yeah, theres the update on my recent lifee............

so yeah

to all my friends, thank you for being there for me, you guys are so amazing.
and to him, thanks for making me feel so safe. and you're everything, to me.




tomorrow.....FRIGHT NIGHT!


boo!

xD

seeyaaaxxxx